


I'm sorry this had to hurt

by Space_Hawk



Series: Inktober 2020 [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (Or at least the character thinks they're going to die), (and has accepted it), (kinda), Angst, Captain America: The First Avenger, Dark, Death, Emotional Hurt, Gay, Gay best friends, Guilt, M/M, Meant to be read at stucky, Missing Scene, Survivor Guilt, but I guess you could read it as steggy if you squint, with Steve and Peggy being platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26829103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Hawk/pseuds/Space_Hawk
Summary: He knew what he had to do.At least there was one bright side to all this, he thought as he steeled himself to radio in. To let Peggy and the others know that he was going to see this mission through.At least he would finally get to see Bucky again.Or, Steve makes the decision to crash theValkyrieinto the ice.Inktober Day 4: Radio
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers
Series: Inktober 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950592
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	I'm sorry this had to hurt

_Oh fuck_ , Steve thought, looking down at the monitors in front of him.

The Valkyrie was locked and loaded. It wouldn’t be long now until it reached it’s target: New York City. But Steve couldn’t let that happen. This was his mission. And he had to see it through to the end. 

No matter the cost.

He knew what he had to do.

At least there was one bright side to all this, he thought as he steeled himself to radio in. To let Peggy and the others know that he was going to see this mission through. 

At least he would finally get to see Bucky again.

It had only been a few weeks since his friend’s death - since he had let his friend die, he corrected. But the hole in his heart felt just as large as the day it had been ripped open, watching his best friend - the one person in his life who had always been there for him, fall screaming into the abyss. 

The one time Bucky had needed him, he failed. The thought brought a fresh wave of pain and grief washing over him. Maybe if he was lucky Bucky would forgive him in the afterlife. He certainly hoped that Bucky would forgive him. Even if he didn’t deserve forgiveness.

Steve took a deep breath. It was now or never. 

“Come in, this is Captain Rogers,” Steve said. “Do you read me?”

“Steve is that you?” Peggy’s voice rang loud and clear through the radio and his heart ached. “Are you alright?” 

Part of him felt guilty. He knew how much this decision was going to hurt her. To hurt all of the Howling Commandos. But it had to be done. There was no other way. 

“Peggy, Schmidt’s dead,” Steve replied instead. It wouldn’t be long now. 

“What about the plane?”

“That’s a little tougher to explain.”

“Then give me your coordinates. I’ll find you a safe landing site.” Steve just sighed.

“There isn’t going to be a safe landing,” he admitted, careful to keep his voice steady. “But I can try to force it down.” 

“I-I’ll get Howard on the line. He’ll know what to do.” There was a slight panic in her voice and it hurt. It hurt so much.

“There’s not enough time,” he said. And it was true- in multiple senses of the word. He knew there wasn’t enough time to save him. He had accepted that. But there also wasn’t time to explain everything. “This thing’s moving too fast and it’s heading towards New York.” He paused. There just wasn’t time. 

He wanted to explain how sorry he was for the pain he was about to cause her. Because he knew how painful it was to lose someone you love. And he wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. But this was his responsibility. He had to do this. 

He wanted to explain how this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. At least not for him. He would get to see Bucky again. And they could finally be happy together.

“I have to put her in the water.”

“Please don’t do this. We have time. We can work this out,” Peggy said, her tears evident. But there wasn’t time.

“Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer, a lot of people are going to die.” And he wouldn’t let any more people die. Not if he could help it. 

“Peggy, this is my choice,” he assured her, voice cracking slightly.

He took the compass with her picture in it and placed it on the control panel before him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was scared. He had faced death so many times before, but this one was different. There was a sense of finality to it. The end of the line.

And he didn’t want to die alone. 

With a deep breath, he pushed the controls forward, as far down as they would go. The plane dipped sharply, now rushing towards the ice below them. It wouldn’t be long now. 

“Peggy?” He asked quietly. 

“I’m here.” 

“I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.” The ice was approaching faster now. But he wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as possible. 

“All right,” she replied. There were tears in her voice. “A week, next Saturday at the Stork Club.” This felt selfish, but he didn’t want to die alone. And Peggy’s voice helped him feel better. A little less scared.

He wouldn’t think about how Bucky had had no one. Only the sounds of his screams as he fell.

“You got it.”

“8:00 on the dot. Don’t you dare be late, Steve. Understood?” The ice was almost upon him. It wouldn’t be long now. A few more seconds.

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance.” A soft smile danced across his lips. He thought of the first time Bucky had taken them dancing. Despite Bucky’s best efforts, the whole night had been spent tripping over his shoes. 

“I’ll show you how,” Peggy said after a moment. “Just be there.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

“We’ll have the band play something slow.” He knew his voice betrayed his fear. His panic. The ice was so close. Any second now. “I’d hate to step on your -.” There was a loud crash and Steve felt himself be thrown forward in his seat as he plunged into the ice.

“...shoes,” he finished softly. 

The world around him was nearly pitch black. Only the emergency lights provided any refuge from the dark. He felt a cold wind blow against his body, suggesting that the ice had made a hole in the ship.

But despite the imminent darkness waiting to consume him, Steve felt strangely calm. He unbuckled himself from his seat and moved to sit on the floor, back leaning against the console behind him. 

This was it. Any minute now and he would succumb to the freezing darkness around him. His body already felt lethargic and heavy. As if he could sleep forever. 

His eyelids slowly dropped shut and he didn’t even try to resist. 

This was the end of the line. 

And it was time he got off.

**Author's Note:**

> Me, not writing about Avatar? Unbelievable lol
> 
> So it has been quite a while since I've written any Captain America or Stucky, but this idea came into my head and wouldn't leave. It's also a little longer than I had planned for it to be for an Inktober fic, but here we are. As always, kudos and comments are appreciated :)


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